I’m a firm believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. When I say that, I don’t mean it in the fairy tale sense, but in the sense that sound “reason” can be found in each and every meaningful moment in your life. Even the moments that seem meaningless to you at the time can have a huge impact on someone else without you ever knowing it. It’s a never ending sphere of influence.
If you were to spend a lot of time talking to me or pay attention to my blogs, you would notice that I’m not one to ask many questions. If I do, they are more than likely rhetorical. I question many, many things but I don’t always ask questions in order to find out the answers. This is one of the many things about me that a lot of people don’t appreciate or understand.
I guess the simplest way to explain it is that I don’t trust people. I don’t trust them to tell me the truth with their mouth. That old saying, “Actions speak louder than words” is one that I put a lot of stock into and so I’ve always been more of a people watcher ..And occasionally, when the mood strikes me, I’ll reach in and stir the pot a little bit to see what comes out. That is the moment you’ve answered my questions without me ever having to ask them and I generally will let you remain blissfully ignorant of this fact because if you had been asked forthright, your answer would have very likely been something different.
In a nutshell, I absorb the answers to my questions about people via osmosis. I get close to them and they share their true selves with me slowly and over time. Sometimes with words, but more often with the collective substance of what they do about their reality. Unfortunately, the truth that I find in people is rarely the truth I was looking for but I’ve learned to take it for what it is. If you tell me to trust you or that you love me, I may believe you insomuch as I reasonably should but if your actions tell me something different, I will believe them even more. The proof of the pudding, as they say, is in the eating.
Ideally, the people that we love the most will also be the same people that we can trust the most or hurt us the least, but that’s a myth that I’m sure we’ve all fallen for at least once. The truth is that only a friend can betray a friend. Only the loved can break the heart of the lover. And so it goes that what you thought you saw in the beginning is not what you found yourself left with in the end.
Yet and still, it all happens for a reason. I have absorbed the answers to the questions I’ve had about people via the same osmosis that I have absorbed some of their better qualities and some of their lesser ones. Just loving or caring about someone causes an exchange to take place in which you can not leave their lives without being forever changed. Their mark is there forever and it’s there for a reason.
As difficult as it can be to say goodbye to a person, sometimes it’s only once they’re gone that you notice the fingerprints they’ve left behind.